Tag: dailyprompt

Oops

What is your middle name? Does it carry any special meaning/significance?

My middle name, like a third of the Lisa named Lisa, is Anne. Anne- with an E.

I was my dad’s only child genetically. My mom, already having had two, gave him full license to name me. First came the decision for “Lisa”. My dad was adamant about it. No reason. My mom wanted “Sally”. Thank God my dad was clear in this matter.

When it came to my middle name, seems like a 50/50 chance for Ann or Marie. Anne was chosen for me. There was a reason for Anne with an E.

My dad’s baby sister’s middle name was Ann. Daddy thought it was with an E. It wasn’t until I was in 6th grade and being confirmed in the Episcopal Church, with my Aunt attending that I proudly showed my Confirmation certificate to my aunt, pointing out the E, just like hers, then she corrected my dad, saying she didn’t have an E in her name. They had messed up her baptism certificate by adding an E. My baptism certificate was missing the E.

Probably not the most exciting story to tell but I’ll end with this. If and when you meet a Lisa, ask the year of their birth. 90% chance it will have been in the 60’s. Ask their middle name- Ann(e) or Marie; chances are it will be one or the other. I’ve met one outlier. And she’s the best Lisa ( either Ann nor Marie) of them all.

Is it Worth It?

What experiences in life helped you grow the most?

I am not a masochist but I have to admit that pain has caused me to grow more than anything else in life. I have felt pain. I have not been one of those people who lost half their leg and still walked 5 miles to safety. The pain that caused me the greatest growth happened in my bed.

Did I give birth? No. Did I have a heart attack? No. Kidney stones? No. Still trying to guess? It’s been the pain that threatens to paralyze you and yet, you don’t care. It’s the pain that makes horrible suggestions as to how to end it, but you don’t act.

To call it “depression” makes people think that you’re merely having a bad day, or even a bad month, it is something we all have, and I should move on. But it’s not “having the blues” or “feeling down”. It is the “pitiful incomprehensible demoralization” – I think that’s the term. It is despair dipped in loneliness, covered in grief, surrounded by shame and with a side of fear.

That’s the pain that makes me question the rotation of the planet and why I haven’t fallen off. The pain can move up and back, twisting your hope so tightly that you’re already emotionally spent but this is a relentless force whose primary mission is to trip you up. So you hang on for deal life because what bubbles below is the tar of anxiety. The tremor of your fingers is nothing compared to the tremor of your gut. You shake, gulp air, try to speak but can’t speak because the gulps of air hurts your sternum, pressing on it as if you were actually having a heart attack. Then the bottom of the tar pit tries to drag you further down until you are up to your neck in muck and dung.

And then, you receive a breath that breathes in you, infusing your body with a new focus. Energy begins to return. And with each cleansing breath, wisdom.

You turn and head the other direction, because now you know. And you know that you were defeated and absolutely unable to save yourself but that something; some power stronger than the gravitational pull sucking you into the abyss, delivered you straight out of the pit of hell.