Tag: Christianity

When “Pride” became “Shame”

Last week I reposted a FaceBook post that my best friend had written about witnessing my courage as I came out at my Annual Conference. That was seven years ago. Later, when the UMC moved into inclusion, I was dancing a jig in freedom and well, freedom. I no longer had to live in fear of someone “outing” me to the church “authorities” where I could have literally been brought up on charges and the end result being “stripped of my credentials” – in other words, I could have lost everything if I was found to be gay in my church, even under some bishops, even if I were celibate.

Baton Rouge had our “Pridefest” on Saturday. I couldn’t go. I had a t-shirt I got just for the occasion that said “This Queer Pastor Loves You”. But it dawned on me that I would probably be asked where I was a church pastor. And I would have to say that there hasn’t been a church willing to take me. Because I came out at Annual Conference. Seven years ago. And I was still “celibate in singleness”. No matter that I have maintained my ordination vows of being celibate in singleness. No matter that I don’t share stories about my intimate thoughts and feelings from the pulpit or anywhere else. There is not a place willing to take me.

It stung when I realized that the last little church where I was preaching led me to believe they couldn’t stay open, what with, seven people at church on a good day. But they then had someone appointed to serve their little church a few months later, clearly because that person was straight. It was the betrayal and the lying that was a gut punch.

Without the letters LGBTQIA coming from their mouths, an older couple had been hoodwinked as well. They were apologetic. They said they still considered me their pastor and asked if I could go visit a sick family member in the hospital, which I gladly did. I had not been out of the room for ten minutes before I got a text asking me to not visit them again. My prayers were not okay, not if they came from my mouth. I was not welcome. News traveled fast in that little town.

I waited for a phone call to tell me there was a part time opportunity at a church within an hour drive or so. The phone never rang. I am blessed that my phone number has been going out that I was open to fill in for people who are taking a weekend away, or they’ve gotten ill.

I asked a coworker, a minister, if he saw a problem with someone who was gay saying a prayer for you or your loved one. He did. I clearly don’t understand. How is my prayer different from anyone else’s?

PRIDE – festival? No. I can stand and witness to the love of God but people cannot hear me speak at all.

I spent the weekend in a private SHAME – fest. I know that’s not God’s plan, but how often are God and the Church on the same page?

Why I’m Still a Christian

Well. The Christian faith in America… the progressives and the Conservatives. Currently, there are more Conservatives in government and their faith is sometimes on display.

For example:

-selling a Bible with your name on it for profit.

-stating that White Nationalists (who are frequently very Conservative Christians) who believe there are good people among those committed to racism so much that they would travel and gather and run over and kill someone. And chanting “Jews will not replace us.”

-stating that you agree with, believe in, and enjoy an interpretation of scripture that turns women into baby making machines, without a voice, or rights, or anything.

There’s lots of talk about deconstructing your faith. I honesty don’t understand that process very much but I do know what an Examen is. And I did write a substantial paper called a Credo 20+ years ago. I know what I believe on paper, specifically, having studied, prayed, and discerned. I know that I am a panentheist, for example.

But these are just details. Details like those listed in our Creeds. There is so much of the Creeds that I dislike. The Apostle’s Creed was developed by men, more than 1500 years ago, when they were trying to make the main points about what it means to be a Christian.

The thing is, I believe in Jesus. Not because of historical proof but because of my own experience with him. The Creeds say absolutely nothing about what Jesus taught. They don’t say that when he was asked, he said the Greatest Commandment was to love God and love your neighbor. He didn’t say believe in the “virgin birth”, “resurrection from the dead”, blah blah.

I want to say that I no longer associate with the word “Christian” but so many would not understand my meaning. I want to explain that I am a follower of Jesus. I believe what he commanded.

And he didn’t command that we post the 10 Commandments in public schools. A Texas congressman just made very good points in argument with the woman who was pushing the bill. He pointed out how Congress doesn’t even follow them.

A Congress of mostly white men with money who are devout followers of a man that doesn’t know Alaska in a US state.

I’ll keep praying to Jesus. It’s the only way we can survive this time.

Amen?

The Monarch, the Checkbook & James Taylor

Sometimes I buy into superstitious things: avoid stepping on cracks, don’t walk under ladders, black cats in general and the killer? Break a mirror:

I’m refusing the entire idea of 7 years bad luck. Nope. When that happened, the A/C went out.

Oh no.

I called for repairs and prayed a lot. For this moment, I could get it cooler for just shy what I had of emergency funds. But I had just enough and the house is cooling off.

The guys who got the A/C kicking took the box of broken mirror pieces I picked up but could not lift.

I went outside and what did I see? A monarch butterfly moving with the breeze. That happens so rarely now but it was big and beautiful and it made me smile.

When I came back inside, James Taylor was singing “You’ve Got a Friend” on the radio. (If you didn’t know, I’m JT’s biggest fan.)

I heard it differently this time. JT wasn’t singing about his being a friend. The song reminds me of someone who once sent me a card that only read “winter, spring, summer or fall”- the next line is “all you’ve got to do is call”. He didn’t put that and he didn’t show up. I was going to a funeral & didn’t need another gut punch.

So the song reminds me of my love of JT. However, on the wings of the monarch and under a cooling house, I heard the song as if God were singing it. I heartedly recommend doing that.

My friend. Yes. That’s why I haven’t ditched the whole religion. Because he has come to me, I believe. Plain and simple.

And today God sang to me.

Why do you call Him good?

In Matthew, Mark and Luke, a man approaches Jesus and asks him what he has to do to “inherit eternal life”. He is called “the rich young ruler” and he addresses Jesus as “Good Teacher” and Jesus replies, “Why do you call me ‘good’?” Jesus goes on to tell him to keep the commandments and the guy says he’s done all that. So Jesus tells him to sell all he has & give it to the poor, and then, in addition, follow Jesus. The man goes away sad because he doesn’t want to do that. And that’s the end of his story.

The young man called Jesus “good” and I can imagine Jesus saying, “Who told you that?” or “Where did you get that idea?” or even “What do you mean by ‘good’?”

As a person who is sent to talk to families during emergency situations, I can tell you that people often think that I do not come bearing “good” news but the news about what Jesus came to offer us is called “good news”, the “Gospels”.

So if Jesus has been thought to be, or even misunderstood as a “good” teacher and the news of Jesus is considered “good news” then why is it that in so many places in Christian history that people of this ‘good news” have been everything but good?

I often feel as confused about the Christian faith at 56, having been in ordained ministry for 22 years, as I did as a young teenager at church camp, reflecting on locker room body shame of a 13 year old. It makes no sense.

Since the beginning of the year I’ve witnessed these things – just briefly, and to name these casually:

  • The United Methodist Church (my denominational home) passing church law to ban anyone other than heterosexual celibate singles or married people from ordained ministry
  • The same religious body to put any clergy person on probation without pay for one year should they perform a legal wedding ceremony between same gender couples & then to strip them of their credentials (remove them) if they do it again
  • A Facebook Messenger video in the voice of Donald Trump discussing the importance of Christian faith, the need for prayer & how vital it is in the backbone of the US & that message being shared in all seriousness by evangelicals who believe him to be the “savior for our country”
  • Weekly natural disasters while our administration claims there is no scientific “proof” of climate change
  • Immigrant children living in cages, three having died in US custody & when the infants and young children were separated from their guardians, no system was in place to keep track of where they were being sent
  • A federal investigation that concluded Russia did interfere in the 2016 election & nothing is being done to safeguard the next Presidential election
  • The Attorney General lies under oath & then stands in contempt by refusing to appear before the House Judicial Council AND misrepresenting a two year investigation to the entire country
  • The President attempting executive privilege to block testimony about investigations about his own corruption before Congress where there could and should be a balance or power

I don’t want to seem paranoid or anything but I know I’m not the only person who is noticing these things but NOTHING IS BEING DONE TO STOP THIS.

We can’t stand on the basic tenets of our Constitution. We can’t stand on the tenets of Wesleyan Tradition of using Scripture, tradition, reason and experience in working out our salvation. Further back,  we have distorted Christianity into something I no longer recognize in this country and champion Donald Trump as a Christian leader and even without any religious dogma, Truth itself, decency, respect are all subject to interpretation and/or cannot be trusted.

We have indeed traded the truth for a lie, we have stomped on the necks of our sisters and brothers in order to get an extra teaspoon of sugar for ourselves. No, there is no decency, there is no kindness.

If the people who believe America was once great when others were sorely oppressed (and wanted to “Make America Great Again”) are proud of themselves and the Pharisees are riding high with the Klan, I will be with those who hunger and thirst for righteousness and even those who hunger and thirst for food and drink and medication and education and work with their children in the cages because that’s where I will find the “Good Teacher” and not some Golden Cow.

Here I Stand.